Growth and Shit

 

Today, I bailed on my planned afternoon leg-day lifting-session, and took the little human and pups to get ice cream instead. No big deal, right? Two years ago, I couldn't have said yes. I would have felt guilty for taking two rest days in a row, would have planned a bird-food dinner and strenuous morning work out. I wouldn't have enjoyed this ice cream time with my daughter and fur babies because my anxiety would have taken over, making me on edge, snappy, and short. 

When we got into the car, I realized that I wasn't second guessing this decision, and felt guilt free about it, so I snapped this photo as a little high-five to myself for becoming healthier and happier. Funny how different that can look for people; I hear more about people wanting to work out more and eat "junk" food less, so someone like me who used to over exercise and calculate every calorie that touched my lips went unnoticed as problematic to most everyone but me. I was told how diligent I was, how motivating, disciplined, and worst of all - skinny. 

**Unfortunately most Americans are looking to lose weight, and because of this they think calling someone thin, skinny, or lean is a compliment. Let me tell you, it's not. Especially when you've been working hard for years to put even the tiniest bit of muscle on, or have lost weight due to stress, or struggled with disordered eating. You don't know what unhealthy things you may be commenting on.**

So today was a win for me. A small moment where I got to see how okay I am after so many years of feeling anything but. Choosing to get ice cream felt like I was choosing my daughter, my dogs, and myself. I know that it felt way better than any hour garage lifting sesh I would have grinded through. I also know I've had many of these moments on my health journey over the last 2+ years, but being able to stop and see them just makes it all that much more worth it. And, if I wake up bloated from foods I don't normally eat, I'll rub my happy little belly and maybe take another rest day. 

Daily Wellness Tips

 Being "well" doesn't always mean salads and treadmills. Doing one small thing for your wellness each day can provide those feel good vibes, and cause a ripple effect for more.

1) Do something good for your body every day. Sure, this could mean a good work out or a healthy meal, but it could also mean a rest day with a good bubble bath, having your morning coffee in the sunshine, taking the time to stretch, using a sugar scrub in the shower, or carving out time for a few chapters of that book. 

2) Wear clothes that actually fit you. Even if your goal is to lose weight, stop squeezing into the clothes you want to fit into, or the number-size you think you should be. Buy the bigger number, and focus on how that number doesn't dig into your sides or belly and actually makes you feel comfortable. Your body will look better without being suffocated, and you'll feel better too.

3) Tune in. Really, really tune in; for everything from what foods you're in the mood for and what kind of movement your body needs, to whether or not you need time alone, time with your significant other, time with kids or friends or pets, time outdoors or time in a dark room with a good TV show. The more you listen, the more balanced your energy and mood will be. 

4) Stop comparing yourself to others. You can do the same work outs and eat the same foods as someone else, and you will STILL not look like them. We all have different builds, bone structures, metabolisms, genetics, and needs; the more you focus (and accept) yourself, the better you will feel for YOU, not for someone else. 

One good thing for your body and mind each day will add up, and get you on the path to really getting to know yourself and create your own goodness. Our wellness determines our mood, our energy, our flexibility and our capabilities. Be sure to put these things in your own hands, based on the needs of YOU. When you feel good, it doesn't feel like work, but a pleasure. 

Overcoming Disordered Eating

 My relationship with food has been a long road. 

Growing up, my beautiful, athletic, marathon running mother had struggled with views of her own body. She was always very strict with foods she "could" or "couldn't" eat, and I have fond memories of her lopping an entire scoop of ice cream off of the cone so she could just have a bite, or spit food into a napkin if it wasn't, in her opinion, worth the calories. I wish she could have seen how healthy she looked, and how unhealthy her relationship with food and her body image were. 

I didn't think witnessing these things had much of an impact on my own views until I became a young adult. I remember for one Easter, I asked the Easter Bunny (Hi Dadster) to only fill my basket with healthy foods from Trader Joe's. I also remember sitting in my childhood bedroom as an early teen that year and literally counting out each organic cheese puff according to the serving size. 

I convinced myself I had food sensitivities and cut out nearly everything at one point or another. I starved myself. I over ate. Either end of the spectrum was unhealthy. I'd wake up each morning calculating everything I ate the night before, and planned out meals for the rest of the week accordingly. I missed out on family pizza nights ("I can't eat that") and ice cream outtings ("Dairy!? No way.") I truly realized I was taking on my mother's habits when I refused bites of food from my two daughters; the last thing I want them to struggle with is food or body image. So, when we moved to North Carolina in 2019, my one goal was simple: FUCK THAT.

I was fortunate to move away because it allowed me to have a jump start. I was able to remove myself from old habits and fears and dive right into the life I wanted. I allowed fears of weight gain to go away by eating all the pizza and ice cream. I became okay - genuinely okay - with having some healthy weight on me for the first time in my life. I came to the realization that how my body looks will never be worth sacrificing memories with my husband, kids, friends and family. 

It took over a year of un-doing my disordered eating habits, but I got there. The "extra" weight I gained natrually came off as my hormones and appetite leveled out. I no longer think of food as something to burn off or earn. I no longer look at working out as a means to burn calories. I feel the best I ever have eating and drinking whatever the hell I want, and working out as my body guides me - and it's all because I stopped thinking and started enjoying. 

People have made comments about my body since I can remember, and let me tell you, it doesn't help one bit. Assuming I am healthy because I am thin, or because I mostly eat well, or because I exercise - trust me, it does not define health. When you are so consumed with body image that your mind only has room for thoughts of food and exercise and guilt, it doesn't matter how you look but how you feel. And man, did I feel like shit. I didn't have much mental space left for much else, including my own family. I was irritable all the time. I was anxious all the time. I felt like I failed all the time. I compared myself to others ALL. THE. TIME. Letting it all go and seeing what happened was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. 

Some things that changed:

1) I started exercising for ME. Not based on this friend or that influencer. I let go of the urge to keep up with my friend's mileage or feelings of inferiority to strong Crossfit women. I watched my work outs change from something I had to do (to burn off/earn food) to something I was excited to do. They went from guilt-ridden and stressful to empowering and energizing. I work out more days for less time, and my body had never looked or felt better. What a feeling to know that I didn't need to run 20 miles or be a body builder to love my body.

2) I started eating intuitively. I genuinely love eating healthy foods; they just make me feel good. But I was able to remove the guilt of wanting something that I would previously dub as "bad" or "unhealthy" - especially when really craving it. I've learned that if you are really in the mood for something, telling yourself you "can't" eat it only creates stress, and, typically leads to over eating because that salad you just devoured wasn't the greasy ass burger you truly wanted (and likely needed) - and so you snack and snack to try and fill the void. Intuitive eating teaches you that food is fuel, and that a slice of pizza or bowl of ice cream will not ruin you. It also allows you to truly check in with yourself; am I hungry for a small snack or bigger meal? Am I craving carbs? Fats? Protein? Sweets? Whatever it is, dive in. You'll be fine, promise. 

3) I let go of rules. I can't believe some of the things I used to tell myself, like having to wait 4 hours between meals or snacks to eat again, having to work out fasted, having to start or stop eating at a certain time of day, and categorizing foods as good or bad. The anxiety these rules caused was not healthy. I was teaching myself NOT to eat when I was hungry, forcing myself to eat when I wasn't, always feeling guilty when I "broke" a rule...who wants to live like that? I was over it. Now, if I'm hungry an hour after breakfast, I simply ask myself what I'm in the mood for, eat it, and carry on. That one took some time to overcome, but seeing over time that eating what I wanted  when I wanted it would not cause crazy weight gain or guilt really allowed me to let go and roll with it. In fact, eating this way actually has me eating LESS because I am more satisfied. 

4) Learning that the scale is a big fat liar. Or, better put: our bodies naturally fluctuate in weight, and that's O-FREAKING-K. If I hop on the scale after an indulgent night out and am full of salty foods, I can magically weigh 5 pounds more overnight. I used to look at this number, get mad at myself, plan a new restrictive diet, and create pure misery for myself and those around me. News flash: it's water retention people, not weight gain. Accepting this, and also staying the hell away from a scale after beers and french fries, takes away any hold that food and body image has had on me. Instead of guilt, I can now look at a food-baby-belly and know I enjoyed myself and my indulgences. I can focus on the good conversations that came along with those friends and fries, and feel well-fueled for a work out, instead of hating my body or feeling the need to "work it off". 

Don't assume that because someone is lean that they are healthy. Food and body image had such a hold on me for decades, despite inheriting my dad's lanky runner's body. Having a healthy relationship with food means having a healthy relationship with yourself. If you spend all of your time thinking about food, feeling guilty about food, depriving yourself of food... you leave such little headspace for anything else. You deserve to put your energy into things other than your previous or next meal. You deserve to enjoy your foods and the conversations and company that come with it. You deserve to love yourself for the you that you are, the body you were given, and the ability to take control of your life.

I am so fortunate to be in this headspace today. Food doesn't define me anymore. 

Goals

 With the New Year approaching (thank you LAWWWD 2020 is ending) - let's talk goals.

As you enter 2021 with high hopes, your success will be based on the goals you set and your ability to accomplish them. But here's the thing: goals CHANGE. It's likely most of the initial goals set for New Year's Resolutions will revolve around better eating, more exercise and less drinking; this is because it's a goal for right now - a time after indulgences, celebrations, and the flexibility of yoga pants. It's normal to want to "get back on track" when you may not be feeling your best, but you are also not going to feel your worst for the rest of the year. This is why telling yourself that it's a realistic goal to eat all the kale (gross) and run all the miles for the entire year is setting yourself up for failure. This is where flexibility within your goal is needed.

Now, that's not to say that once you set a goal, you get to break it often and say FUCK YEAH I'M BEING FLEXIBLE WHERE'S THE CHEESECAKE BABY!? But more so to recognize when a goal has run it's course and is time to rework it. If you're feeling a little fluffy after the holiday season and you'd like to move your body in a way that feels good and eat in a way that's nourishing - do it. But, whenever you feel like that goal has been met, tweak it. Maybe after a week of salads, yoga and water you're feeling renewed, and recognize that it's time to move on. Use your motivation from the holiday goodies as a jump start, rather than something long term. 

Change your food and fitness goals as you see fit. Restricting may work for a short time to get you back on track, but it's not realistic (or healthy) to keep up. Over exercising may feel like it gets you back in the routine of things, but will ultimately lead to injury and is freaking time consuming. The more you are flexible with your goals, the more control you will have over your success; and let's be real - it's the control we're after in the first place. We want to feel in control of our choices, and flexibility allows for just that. 

Flexibility within your goals allows one to naturally lead to the next. After that week of salads you may feel better but you're absolutely starving, so you want to keep up the good foods but eat more. Maybe your goal changes from wanting to feel better to wanting to eat better. And, once you intuitively eat better based on what feels good for you, indulging here and there can be guilt free. You may set a body-goal to be more flexible. That flexibility may lead to a more comfortable stride when walking or running, or increased range of motion when lifting, and naturally motivate you towards your next goal. 

You may set a goal for yourself early on that really just isn't working for you, and it's okay to change it in a way that makes it doable. Goals that change will keep you going throughout the year, instead of those first few months. It'll keep you motivated, keep things fresh, and puts you in control of what is best for you, your body, and your health. Changing a goal is not failure, it's flexibility. As long as you are working towards your ultimate goal, make the changes needed along the way in order to succeed. Make 2021 the year that you don't let yourself down. The year that you don't compare to others. The year you do what's best for you based on where you're at, not where you want to be. Define what healthy looks like for yourself, whether it's incorporating more protein or spending more time with friends - you have the ability if you set (and re-set) the goal. 

Intuitive Eating & Movement

 Food and exercise. For so many people, one is treated as indulgence and the other as punishment. Want that piece of cake? Better run super long tomorrow. Ordered the chicken alfredo instead of that boring ass salad? Better plan for extra gym time in the morning. Have guilt after over-doing it with x, y or z? Better cut those foods out entirely as to not be tempted - oh, and sign up for a marathon while you're at it. 

It's bullshit, but unfortunately, it's an unhealthy mindset and relationship that so many of us have endured. We make promises to get in shape for the summer or after the holidays. We make excuses as to why we're not where we want to be. We indulge and then we punish. We move our bodies too often and to the extreme. We don't eat all day to justify cheese and crackers at night. We restrict all week so as to "fully enjoy" our weekends. We believe diets work long term (they don't). We believe our bodies can keep up with the extremes of our work outs (it can't). 

The only (and simple) way to break this viscous mindset and poor relationship with food and our bodies is to listen. There have been times that I've really wanted something "less healthy", and in an attempt to "be good", I'd try and fill the craving with "better" things like nuts, fruit, veggies...you get the idea. The thing is: IT NEVER WORKS. I'd end up gorging on all these healthy things 1) because there's less guilt tied to them and 2) because I felt I shouldn't have whatever it was I was craving. What ends up happening is that after being filled to the brim with bird food, the craving hasn't gone anywhere and I end up reaching for the cookie or piece of candy or bowl of ice cream anyway. Now, instead of just eating intuitively and having a portion of the craved food, I found myself in a binge, feeling poorly, telling myself I failed, when this all could have been avoided by allowing myself to eat it in the first place. No "shoulds" or "shouldnts" - just awareness. The more I allowed myself to eat what I craved, the less likely I was to over do it with them. 

If you put food into a "no" category, you are already setting yourself up for failure. You tell yourself you can't or shouldn't eat it, so if you find yourself nibbling at it anyway, you think "well, shit, I already failed, might as well eat the whole damn thing and start over tomorrow". BUT HEY. If you don't group foods as good or bad, and allow yourself to simply have them, you can't fail, and you'll never have to "start over" - you'll just be good. You will have killed the justification of foods. Killed them dead.

The same goes for moving your body. A long run and heavy lifts aren't always what's best for you, and the more you eat intuitively, the less likely you are to plan such strenuous work outs. If you wake up without guilt from the previous day's food choices, and you planned to run but JUST AREN'T FEELIN' IT, then you can walk, do yoga, or take a rest day and not mentally beat yourself up for it. No thinking back to the foods you felt you needed to "work off" or ahead to the ones you think you need to "earn" - just intuitive exercise or simple movements that feel good for your body that day. 

One thing you can do to help get acclimated to this loosened grip on food and exercise is to stop planning. Stop planning your meals. Stop planning your work outs. This freedom allows you to tune in and ask yourself what your body needs. If you were to write out every meal, and then that mealtime comes and it doesn't sound good, you're back in a tricky situation of either forcing yourself to eat something you'd rather not, or changing up your meal plan and feeling like you failed by not sticking to it. Same with work outs; you can have a general idea of what you'd like to accomplish (ie. run, walk, lift, gym-cardio) - but let your body decide in the moment what it wants to do. You may start running and quit a mile in to lift instead. You may start arm day at the gym and realize your legs have all the squat feels. Be flexible with your plans and let your body make the decisions for you. 

We can also all benefit from breaking the "rules". Have salad for breakfast and cereal for dinner. Have wine on Wednesday and tea on Saturday. Deep clean your house for movement instead of heading to the gym. Snack for dinner instead of making a big meal. This will all take some getting used to, especially to those of us who have been on restrictive diets, calorie counting, type-A planners, and control freaks. Let it all go, people. 

I see you joining Weight Watchers for the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 10th time...say it with me now: diets are not sustainable. Tracking every morsel that graces your lips is problematic. Feeling guilty for eating something that freaking tastes good is torture. Killing your body to work off or earn food is a cycle you need to break. Food and movement are LIFE. They are fuel for the mind and body. Stop planning and start enjoying. Enjoy your body's ability to exercise. Enjoy the taste of sweet treats and savory dishes. Enjoy being in tune with your body, and the ability to eat and move accordingly. 

Once you let the guilt go, break the rules, knock off the strict plans, and do things intuitively, food and exercise won't have a hold on you. You can eat the fried foods and sweets when you feel like it, and believe it or not, your body will crave the salads or the fruits or the nuts too. Your body will want to move in a certain way each day, and you have the power to listen and act. 

Order the alfredo sauce and follow it up with a rest day.

Eat breakfast, lunch, AND (gasp) the cheese and crackers.

Walk when you planned to run.

Have cake for breakfast. 

Call sexy time in the bedroom the day's movement (you're welcome). 

Whatever intuitive balance you find will work, because it'll change day to day, meal to meal, snack to snack and work out to work out. Wake up every morning not knowing what the hell you're gonna do or eat, and let your body's cravings guide you there. It's powerful stuff, and the way to a naturally healthier life style. Now get to rule breaking. 

New Year's Resolution? Try This

 Tis the season of overindulging, which means it's also the season of guilt, self loathing, and extreme, strict promises come January 1st. Guys, knock this shit off. IT. NEVER. WORKS. 

When we set goals for ourselves based on guilt, they are negatively driven and practically gives us the excuse to binge for the next 2 months. If you work out or eat right based on the previous day/week/month's caloric intake, you're doing it all wrong. Instead of setting unrealistic, unsustainable goals for your new year, try tweaking your resolutions to set yourself up for success. 

Instead of joining a gym and telling yourself you'll be there 3-5 times per week, ask yourself what your goals are. Do you want to become stronger? If so, change your mindset from "being in the gym x amount of times" to "being about to lift x amount of weight". This way, you eliminate room for that guilty conscious to creep in and make you feel bad about only making it there twice this week. If you showed up, put weight on the bar, and worked toward your goal, you are winning. There is no strict time frame, no scale to step on, no extreme pressure to get there so many times...just a simple goal to do more at a pace that works for you. And, the great thing about a goal like this is that once it's met, it'll be self motivational to set the next one. Before you know it, your initial lifting goal will become your warm up - or at least feel much easier. 

Instead of signing up for a yoga class package, set a goal of being more flexible. Perhaps pick a pose you've always wanted to conquer and practice until you get there. Again, no time frame, no "have to's" or "shoulds" - just the ability to move your body and watch your own practice improve with each time on the mat. If you need to attend a class for motivation, go for it. But if life gets in the way and you don't make it one week, and still find yourself on the mat - even for a few moments - you're still kicking your resolution's ass.

Instead of "giving up" a food group, alcohol, sweets, carbs (you name it) - try incorporating more healthy foods beforehand. Typically when people go cold turkey on things they over indulge in, it leads to a binge down the road. You can feel better about having these foods if they follow a few fruits and veggies, healthy snack or well rounded meal; and, if you feel better about your previous choices, you will be less likely to over do it with the other stuff. Eat the bread, drink the wine, have the chocolate, just be mindful when you do. This allows you to be put on a road to a healthier you without any major restrictions. (Not to mention, if you know you're not going cold turkey come January 1st, it may prevent you from having that 3rd piece of pie because, in your mind, it's no longer justified). 

The biggest thing we all can do is (say it with me now) STOP. COMPARING. OURSELVES. TO OTHERS. Guys. We are not our friends, our family, the Instagram Gymsharks, or anyone else we try to be "more like". Being successful in your own life with your own goals is to set them solely for yourself. If you want to lose weight but hate the gym, DON'T JOIN A GYM. Walk, jog, have a dance party with your kids, challenge your spouse to a sit-up challenge...whatever works for you will be where you find your success. If you want to eat better but hate salads, DON'T EAT THE FREAKING SALAD. Mix the healthy foods you do enjoy together and discover your own weird concoction of health foods. Need an exercise class to get moving but Marsha over there is self motivated? Get your ass to class. 

Meditation and self love and all that hippy shit is great, but let's be real, most people's New Year's Resolutions are a little more body-based and a little less "let me align my chakras". Here's how you can help with that through your holiday season and into the new year: you must love your body, but you must also be flexible about what it looks like - a quote from female health expert Stefani Ruper. If drinking the eggnog and having seconds on stuffing is what makes your holiday season nostalgic for you, then go for it. However, your homework comes the next morning when you have the choice to feel bad about your holiday treats, or wake up feeling nourished with comfort foods knowing you fully enjoyed them. It's okay to love your body both when it's bloated from salty, tasty foods and also when you're feeling your best after a week of solid work outs and health foods. Both times, they are still you and yours and one doesn't deserve to be loved less than the other. 

I challenge you to take your 2021 resolutions E A S Y. Set goals, not restrictions. It's okay to simply plan to move a little more and eat a little better, and keep on adding to that as you see fit. Please don't eliminate your favorite food or put yourself through a wild work out after having it. 2020 has been a shit show enough without planning to torture ourselves come January, especially if those torture plans are signing you up for failure. We all need to feel better in these crazy times, so be sure you're doing what is best for you. And hey, if you want to align your chakras while you're on this path, well, then that's just dandy. 

Different Healthy

 Everyone wants to "get" or "be" healthy, but what does that really mean? 

For some, that may look like the typical eat well, move more. For others it may be to cut back on a poor habit like smoking or drinking. It could be putting down the phone and picking up a book, taking the time off of work to book a vacation, or starting a meditation regiment. Whatever your "healthy" looks like, make sure it's your own journey and no one else's. 

I used to think healthy meant a 6-pack. Abdominal muscles, that is. And, I thought all the things that went along with this washboard belly were also healthy; over exercising, cutting entire food groups, remaining calorie deficient, and so on. I would restrict, restrict, restrict, and, eventually, binge. Naturally after these binges I would feel like total shit. I'd be bloated which was reflected on the scale, I'd have pain and discomfort, but the worst of it all was the mental beating I gave myself each time, glued to promises of even further restriction. Years of this cycle caused me to seek out excuses rather than ownership, leading me be totally convinced I had all these food "allergies" or "sensitivities" when really I just needed to eat like a freaking normal person. It was at its worst when my kids started noticing; why wasn't mommy getting ice cream? Why won't mommy try my pizza? Why does mommy bring her own food everywhere? I started to see that sure, my abs were pretty rock solid, but I was losing more than I was gaining with my beach body. 

And so when we moved to North Carolina, I set my own health goals that may look a bit different than others'. I stopped counting calories. I planned pizza nights. I tasted everything my kids asked me to (within reason, they ARE still kids...). I ordered the damn ice cream. I bought clothes that were comfortable rather than a certain size. I exercised based on how my body felt, not how many calories I felt I needed to burn. But most importantly, I enjoyed it all. I let go of the guilt that years of body shaming and food struggles had given me. If we crawled into bed after eating and drinking too much, I focused on the good times and memories made while we were indulging. Who knew that eating pizza, drinking a bottle of wine and indulging in dessert was what I needed to find MY healthy. 

Having said that, I feel my best when this is all in balance. I enjoy eating healthy meals, working out daily, drinking tons of water, and getting sunshine every moment I can. But, it has taken me years and years to realize that I can have both; I can live a healthy life style and not lose it all when I have my weekend fun, or when we're on vacation, or when we simply feel like a good meal with good drinks on a random Tuesday. Saying yes to what feels good and no to what doesn't has been key; some days I feel like salad and other days I need a bacon burger. Some days I'll PR my lifts and other days I just want to stroll the neighborhood with my kids. It's a much, much easier way to live - without all the restrictions and mind games - and that's my healthy.