Tools For A Successful Resolution

Ah, New Year's Eve. A time where the last 2 months of binge eating and drinking is justified by filling the future with pinky-promises of food restrictions, less alcohol, and strenuous work outs. I guarantee that the majority of us enter the New Year feeling bloated, hung over, guilty, and self loathing. We pinch our thighs, skip breakfast, kill ourselves on an elliptical, and make a hearty spinach salad for lunch. We're cranky because we're feeling deprived, we're depressed because we're harvesting guilt, we may hate how we look or how we feel - or both, and every step we make going forward comes from this anger we've just created. But what if it didn't have to be this way? What if we could enjoy the holiday indulgences, eat the extra desserts, have the extra drinks, and move on merrily into the New Year with nothing but memories of our taste-buds exploding over eggnog, and our minds a little fuzzy from the fun? It's possible, people. 

Instead of looking back on the holidays with guilt while staring at that slightly higher number on the scale - get over it. Life is for living, holidays are meant to be enjoyed, and in our society, a big part of that enjoyment is the food and drinks that come along with the friends and family. I bet every bite you had was amazing and every buzz you felt was worth it. Embrace the memories, and move on. 

Instead of diving into a world of food cut-backs and work out routines, pump the brakes. I challenge you to spend January doing just one thing: accept who you are, for where you are. You are simply you right now; not the you 3 months from now once you're "back on the wagon", not the you after accomplishing this or that - you are only you for who you are in this very moment. Maybe this "you" isn't the ideal weight, or a picture of health, or prioritizing things as you wish, but you can't define yourself based on who you want to be, you can only be who you are, for where you are. The same goes for looking back; you can't define yourself by someone you used to be, either. Maybe you used to be in better shape, or in a healthier relationship, or in a more successful place, but none of those things define who you are right now. Taking the time to stop and accept allows you to acknowledge the past for what it was - a lesson - and create a plan for the future that leads you to a happier, healthier life that you're actually excited to pursue. This will be the key to your ultimate success, because it comes from a place of positivity and self worth, rather than self loathing and guilt.

Next, spend February planning. Know yourself enough to know what plans you will have to set in place in order to be successful. Do you want to work out more but need motivation? Splurge on that personal trainer, or lock down a reliable work out partner. Are you self motivated but need to shake things up? Try a new class once a week for a month, or spend a little quality time with Pinterest looking up new work outs to execute. Need to clean up your diet? Know your triggers, write a grocery list, and meal prep. Just do it. Need to find the time to do more of what you love? As the saying goes, we have time for what we make time for. Prioritize your daily routine and see what things you can eliminate or cut down on. (For me, that change was cutting back on reading to make more room for writing. Ta-da!) Planning is key, but only if the plans you make are realistic to your wants and needs. Don't copy someone else's idea - they're not you, and not where you are. Your plans should excite you, motivate you, and keep you going. You're always in control of your habit formation, so keep changing it up and keep trying until you find the right balance for you. If you're always trying something new and constantly switching it up, you'll never be bored and you'll keep yourself on track, effortlessly. 

And in March? Get to it. Put those plans into action and be your own boss. Try new foods. Push through new work outs. Plan dates with your spouse and kids - and pets! Make the time to read, write, nap, exfoliate, watch a movie under a fuzzy blanket, work more, work less...whatever your goals are they are only yours to crush. You only get out what you put in, so crush the hell out of them. 2018 is yours to navigate, so don't go into it hating yourself for your holiday choices. Enjoy, accept, reboot, and take action. 

My Intermittent Fasting Journey

I am an extremest when it comes to my dieting. I've been known to cut out foods entirely and create anxiety and stress around them. I've done no dairy, no wheat, no soy, no sugar, and no alcohol. Some for weeks at a time, some for years. I've felt deprived, I've binged to try and fill a craving, I've restricted and overexercised, and I've made holiday gatherings and dinners out difficult. My mind was never at ease with food; I was constantly wondering if I was eating too much/not enough, mentally calculating the caloric intake of each meal, "saving" calories for dessert or drinks, and feeling controlled by it all. I am highly motivated early in the day to exercise and eat to my body's needs, and lose it as the day goes on. Though my over indulgences were still fairly healthy, like nuts, dried fruits, organic wine, dark chocolate, or homemade popcorn, it was the loss of control I hated. I felt that no matter what, I fell apart at nighttime. I had those snacks whether I was hungry or not; it was mindless. I would overeat, and then plan the next morning's work out accordingly. I harvested lots of guilt and stress around this, and it created a poor relationship with food. Healthy choices or not, I had a weakness, and it needed to be tackled. Intermittent fasting has done this for me.

What is intermittent fasting? There are a few ways to fast intermittently, but I stick to the 8/16 rule. This means I limit my eating to an 8 hour period of the day, and fast the other 16 hours. It's really not as bad as it sounds, because most of the fasting is done overnight. You can tweak the hours of eating to what best suits your lifestyle; for me, it's 10:00-6:00 - so basically, I eat breakfast a little later, and stop eating after dinner. This forces me to take on my biggest food challenge of unnecessary nighttime eating head on. The decision is made for me: no eating after dinner.

What are the benefits of intermittent fasting? First and foremost, it creates improved digestive health by giving your digestive system a break and the ability to empty out during the fast. Another major benefit is the significant increase in HGH (human growth hormone) levels, which helps to increase muscle mass and boosts the rate at which your body burns fat. HGH levels are known to enhance sleep quality and energy levels, which is why intermittent fasting is so popular among athletes. Other benefits include reduced cravings, reduced inflammation, weight loss, detoxification, and enhanced immunity. (Read more about the benefits and ways to fast here: https://www.mommypotamus.com/intermittent-fasting/ )

My journey with IF has been a challenge I am so enjoying, and in big part because my husband is on his own IF plan. It's been an amazing connecting point for us, and creates a closeness as we both battle on with our separate goals but with each other's support. We will check in with each other's fasting times to plan distractions during the fast and family meals during the feast. And, in having different goals, we are learning more about our own body's needs which causes us to drop the comparison to one another. My goal is simply to challenge my nighttime eating habit, and his is to cut weight for an upcoming competition, and therefore during our eating times, our goals differ from one another. I have to eat ravenously in order to get enough daily calories in, where he has the ability to skip a meal or skimp on snacks and eat when he's hungry, and is more strict about his beginning and ending times. I, on the other hand, have allowed myself the flexibility to still have calories in the form of drinks before or after my hours-fed (coconut oil in my morning coffee or hot cocoa with my kiddos at night).

It has been a freeing experience. It's a challenge to not eat when I'm hungry first thing in the morning, but rewarding knowing I can do it. And, in those 8 hours, I don't have to worry about the calorie count, how often I'm eating, how much I'm eating, whether I want dessert or a drink - as long as it's within that 8 hour window, I'm good. It's actually been a challenge to eat enough when I'm limited to hours-fed, especially where most of my daily calories used to come from those nighttime indulgences. Now, I'm not worried about loading up my meals with extra proteins or fats. I'm not worried about treating myself to afternoon ice cream with the family or snacking throughout the day. It has loosened the grip that food has had on me all these years, and I feel relaxed instead of anxious about it. It's created a silliness in my marriage as we countdown the hours until we can eat again, and drool over our next planned meal when we break our fast. And, most importantly, it's freed up my nights. No longer am I hurrying my girls off to bed so I can sit around sipping wine with my over-sized bowl of popcorn. That time now belongs to them. Bedtime has been more relaxed, we play more games, take after dinner walks, fall into the "ALL THINGS PUMPKIN" cliche of fall and bake like crazy. On my husband's nights off, we are creating healthier date night habits now that they are less revolved around food and drink. And, to battle another challenge, not eating after dinner allows me to embrace more rest days from exercise, because I no longer go to bed feeling guilty about late night indulgences or the need to "run it off".

Intermittent fasting has conquered so many food, health, and mental challenges that I have spent years battling. My stress has lessened, my parenting has strengthened, my marriage has a new skip in it's step, my exercising is done in a healthful manner, and my eating is controlled - without feeling controlled by it. It's a challenge for sure, but a challenge I enjoy. I wake up ready to battle, and go to bed feeling accomplished. Tweak the hours to your lifestyle, and give it a whirl!

Overcoming it all, With Running

Your lungs are burning, your quads are on fire, you feel a painful twinge in one knee and are getting a cramp in your side. You can't get out of your own head as you repeatedly ask yourself "why am I doing this?" which ultimately leads to your decision to stop - whether it be on this particular run or with plans of never starting again entirely.

May I introduce you to the early stages of becoming a runner. But wait a minute - that doesn't sound like fun at all. Why should you embrace a form of exercise that will, from what you would assume, leave you out of breath, sore, and is just plain difficult? Because you can, that's why.

We all have a natural running ability within us, and we are all capable of finding and unleashing it. Running will teach you more about your body than you ever thought possible. It teaches you to focus solely on yourself since your body belongs to no one but you; this allows you to remove the comparison to others, and set goals to train in a way that is tailored to your own body's build, genetics, and abilities. It teaches you just how far you can push yourself, and then challenges you to go even farther than that. It tells you when something doesn't feel right (like that knee twinge or side cramp) and reminds you that you have the tools to fix it.

Running is rewarding. You feel your lungs burn a little less with each run. You learn proper running form to fix your quad dominance and knee pain, and feel the strength in your legs building. Each time, you are able to go a little further or a little faster, and each time it gets a little easier. Running teaches you to respect your body, because in order to be a healthy runner, you need to take care of yourself by eating well, hydrating, and balancing strength training. Running allows you to surprise yourself, because for all those times you told yourself "I can't", you find that, in fact, you can. You set goals and reach them. You build confidence along with your strength. Your body gets into shape and you reap the benefits of all the work you've put in. And, eventually, it's not work at all. It's a passion, it's a way of life. The body achieves what the mind believes, as the saying goes, and once you realize you are a runner and that you can do it - you'll be unstoppable.

Get Better

Any personal growth begins with caring enough about yourself to make positive changes. It happens when you stop putting others, excuses, and justifications first, and bring the focus back to you. It's created through long lasting habit formation, realistic goal setting, and self motivation. You have to want to feel good, you have to want to change, but none of it is possible if you're doing it for anyone but yourself.

You'll see that as you learn to respect and love yourself more, things will naturally fall into place - things that we have all struggled with. You'll eat nourishing foods because you care about your body and the benefits they bring, not because someone told you to. You'll eat these foods when you are hungry, not when the clock tells you it's time; the body is pretty amazing at knowing what it needs and signaling you at the appropriate time. You'll learn how much food is not enough, too much, or just right. Food is one of the best ways to learn about your body from the inside out! What foods make you feel better than others? Did you notice a change in your joint pain when you decided to remove gluten? What portions give you an energy boost rather than leaving you feel sluggish? And, most importantly, what works for you? - Eating Paleo, Whole 30, Keto, low-carb, low-fat, every 2 hours, every 6 hours, no fruit after 6:00, no food after 8 - not one thing works for everyone. Learn about your body and your needs to formulate the best nutrition for the best you.

You'll exercise and rest in a way that honors your body. You'll crank up the intensity or back the hell off. You'll take rest days because you need them (remember, a work out routine is balancing exercise and rest) which will avoid over training, time for muscle fiber repair, and time to gear up for what's next. You'll say no to movements or a pace that isn't right for you, and tune into your body as you go. You'll start exercising because of the health benefits and because you respect your body enough to do so, and not because you really want that dessert or drink later. You'll learn to remove the comparison to others and exercise specifically to your body's needs and capabilities.

You'll create your tribe by eliminating people who bring negativity to your life. You'll realize the importance of quality relationships, and crave those that leave you feeling uplifted, cared for, respected, and nourished. It will become easier to say no to people or situations that are not desirable, and every time you allow yourself to turn down an invitation, you grow your self respect a bit more. You'll feel energy shifts around friends and family that will tell you exactly who your tribe is and isn't. Hang onto the positivity like your life depends on it, and limit the negativity when possible. Your emotional health is in your hands and effects everyone around you- protect it. This is the best way to become the greatest version of you; the best mother, the best spouse, the best friend, daughter, cousin, sibling...you name it. The best you is a happy you. Create this happiness and protect the hell out of it.

You'll know when you need something. A career change? More from your marriage? Time alone? More time with children or friends? The body and mind feels uneasy when something is out of balance. It's your job to learn enough about yourself to discover where that imbalance lies, what it means, and how to correct it. Tuning in on this level allows your personal needs to be very clear. You will crave what you need - you just have to learn to listen to these cravings and make them a priority. Remember, we have time for what we make time for, so be sure to prioritize yourself.

Food, exercise, relationships and specific needs are part of the daily cycle of life. How can we expect to be true to ourselves if we don't pay attention to each and every one of these? Personal growth is an amazing tool we all possess. It's how we can continue to improve, to learn about ourselves, to create health and happiness, and ultimately, that life we don't need a vacation from. Learn to love yourself enough to want to make these changes, and you'll be surprised just how naturally they will occur.

Feelings of Inadequacy

The starting line of my first half marathon was filled with an energy I'll never forget. Hundreds of people stood shoulder to shoulder in the starting corral, high-fiving and hugging one another, with endless wishes of luck and confidence boosting chatter. I stood next to my two girlfriends and running "solemates" as we geared up our mile calculators and bumpin' music playlists. We, too, wished each other luck and bounded off into the hills of New Bedford when the start was finally signaled. As those first few miles rolled along, I kept looking at the runners surrounding me, and was encased in this amazing feeling of belonging; I thought "I am a runner - these are my people".

That feeling came along with a release of who I wish I was: a Crossfitter. It was the cool thing to do, and everyone was doing it. My husband was one of the first people I knew to dive into this new fitness craze, and I wad endlessly impressed with what he was able to do and the strength he was capable of building. So, at one point, I wanted to give this lifting thing a try myself. I asked my husband to accompany me to the gym I was a member of and show me the basics. Before this, the only squat I had ever done was with my own body weight, and my work outs were about 80% cardio and 20% abdominal crunches. When I first lifted that 45 pound bar, I immediately felt intimidated by it's weight, but also felt part of the cool-club to finally have a barbell on my back. Over the next few months, I learned more and more lifts and was able to slowly increase the weight - and was feeling pretty good about it. That was, until I made the horrible mistake of comparing my abilities to other female Crossfitters and was instantly filled with feelings of inadequacy. 

I felt twangs of jealousy when I met my husband's Crossfit friends - especially the women. Lifting had been difficult for my body, and I envied those who were able to do so much more than I could - not to mention their ability to connect with my husband in an area that I simply could not. I created my own disconnect as I continued to compare, harvest jealousy, and feel bad about what little weight I was able to lift. I was so much happier in my naive little beginners-bubble when I was able to acknowledge my new abilities in comparison to no one but myself; when going from air squats to a 75 pound squat was impressive to me, and when I was able to share those moments of learning in the gym with my husband without feeling like it wasn't enough. I was like the awkward outsider in elementary school who just wanted to be a part of the popular crowd. I wanted so badly to be a part of this fitness phenomenon. I knew I couldn't consider myself a Crossfitter, and so I patted myself on the back for what lifting I did by referring to myself as a "crossfit dabbler" - which I even included in my resume at the time, and was sorely offended when my husband didn't agree with this statement. This just added fuel to my jealousy fire, and deepened my Debbie-downer attitude toward myself. I couldn't do what my husband or his gym-friends could do, I didn't have PR's to compare at social gatherings, I had a very different idea of what a snatch was, and I placed myself uncomfortably on the outside while I longingly looked in. 

These envious feelings carried over to running, too. My husband introduced me to a friend from his gym because she, too, was a runner, and after feeling totally inadequate in the lifting-field, I threw myself into the idea of running a half marathon. Her name was Patty, and not only was she a Crossfitter (damn it!) but she was also a marathon runner - how intimidating. My goal was to do half of what she was capable of. Nevertheless, we went on our blind-running-date and it was here that I realized I was okay at this distance-running thing. Fast forward 4 years and I went from running a max of 8 miles when I met Patty to being persuaded into a 50 mile trail race last fall.

Running gave me the connection, naturally, that I was trying so hard to force with my husband and his friends. It connected me to my roots, since both parents were incredible marathon runners, and when we made it a family tradition to compete against one another in the Father's Day 5k and eventually the New Bedford Half Marathon, my relationship with our crazy running family strengthened even further. Both of my daughters even enjoy running; our littlest participating in kid fun-runs and our oldest already beasting local 5k's and running groups. Finally, I had those people that shared a love and ability of mine, I had people to compare PR's to, and I was able to accept myself for who I was - a runner - and let it be okay that I may never be a Crossfitter. Now, I am able to push some decent weight for the twiggy figure that I am, and have learned to shift my lifting focus to simply aid my running. #lifttorun is a frequently used hashtag among my social media accounts because it helps me remember who I am, and why I'm doing what I do. Because I know those squats and deadlifts are what will charge me up those tough hills, I get through them with nothing but self motivation. I'm reminded of my strengths with each lift and run I complete, and can only do so because I have learned to only compare to myself. I can compare to the athlete I used to be, see the athlete I am now, and set goals for the athlete I want to become. I wasted years wishing I was someone I wasn't, which created tension around my husbands gym schedule, and a negative image of myself. By shifting my focus to what I was able to do instead of what I wasn't, I empowered myself. I found my strengths. I brought myself up instead of down. I created space for growth instead of remaining stuck in a place of yearning. I fell naturally into a place where I was meant to be,

Comparison to others never works. We either put ourselves on a pedestal by viewing others as lesser than, or we think less of ourselves by viewing other's as greater. It keeps us from out natural abilities, needs, passions, and strengths, and creates a ripple effect of tension as our negativity spirals out to members of our families, our friends, and those we compare to. As stated in the book Buddha's Brain: "you have the greatest power over your future self; you hold that life in your hands and what it will be depends on how you care for it". That care has to start with you; your desires, your needs, your health, your thoughts, your actions - all of these things have to be grounded in you. You will never be your authentic self if your growth is based on comparison to those around you. And, as Shannon Kaiser beautifully states in her book Adventures For Your Soul, "when we settle we sacrifice ourselves, and in doing this we hurt our authentic connection with others". Everyone already has those "others" that we compare ourselves to - they need a little you in their life! My husband already had his crew of Crossfitters; what he needed was his runner wife who he could share a passion of fitness with while still being able to embrace our differences. And, as his wife, I owed it to him (and to myself) to just be me: the skinny distance runner who #liftstorun.

It Doesn't Have To Be This Way

Gaining control of your life can come in many different forms. Maybe you need to get out of an unhealthy relationship, or take a career risk to follow your passion, or maybe you just want to change the way you react to life's unexpected plot twists. Whatever the reason and motive behind it, change is possible, and it starts with the simple recognition that it doesn't have to be this way.

For me, gaining control came in the form of realizing that learned behavior from my childhood wasn't the only way. And how would I know otherwise? Here are these supposed examples set before me, and so when life was thrown my direction in a way that was less than pleasurable, the only coping skills I developed were through witnessing; monkey see, monkey do. It wasn't until after high school and becoming a young mom that I finally took hold of the reins of my life and said "I don't like this, I want to change".

No pity-party here; I had a wonderful upbringing full of love and health, was surrounded by great friends, and, as my brother will gladly tell you, I was slightly spoiled. However, it was the way certain family members chose to react to situations, or even ways they lived their lives on a daily basis, that paved the path I would inevitably follow. First, there was the incapability to ever be alone. If they weren't socializing, they were on the phone. When that phone call ended, the next one was dialed. When the phone was put down, the emails were opened and responded to. I witnessed a palpable discomfort and unease in this person when they weren't "connected" in some way. And so, on I went to date early, and from the age of 14, never allowed myself to be alone. I went from boyfriend to boyfriend, and when I wasn't with them, I was with friends. In the moments when I was alone at home, or didn't have concrete plans in place for that weekend, I felt anxious. I didn't know how to be alone, and therefore never got to know who I really was as Lauren. I was always someone's girlfriend, someone's ex, someone's friend, someone's something - but never just me. Never just Lauren. I didn't even know that person for who she really was. I had no idea what activities she'd be into if she wasn't following someone else's lead, or how she'd truly dress if she didn't follow the latest Abercrombie and Fitch styles. I had no idea what she looked for in a relationship, because just being in one was more important at the time. I didn't know what she needed in a friendship, because who she was friends with ranked higher on the importance scale than the quality within it. Who knows what great friendships I missed out on because I was focused on the ones I had for all the wrong reasons. Who knows what I would have discovered about myself had I given myself 5 minutes to be single before getting pregnant at 19. But, that way of life, that "never be alone" thought process was what I thought was "right"; it's was the only way I knew how to be, because of my learned behavior.

Next came the attention spotlight. It always shone brightly on a particular family member, and mostly for good reason. Successful business, booming personality, incredible athlete, and impressive intelligence. It's when that spotlight was shifted away, however, that the attention needed to be brought back in a quick fashion. And so, I witnessed an extreme amount of exaggeration, wildly outrageous lies, fabricated stories, and endless poor-me, look-at-me pity parties. Then, there was little ol' me, the monkey, doing as I see, and so I adopted the same unhealthy attention seeking ways. I sulked over minor injuries and milked them for all they were worth, I over exaggerated the severity of my asthma and became quite the actress when having "an attack". When relationships ended I was sure to be the one with all eyes on me, throwing parties, being loud and obnoxious, and scurrying to find the next best thing - which I would plaster all over social media. I thought that this was it, this was the way to be successful in life; good attention or bad attention was still attention, and it's what I grew up believing was important. I either wanted people to be having a blast with me or feeling bad for me. As long as it was all about me, I was doing okay. The thing that brought these thoughts to a halt was realizing just how terrible and unnatural they started to feel.

Suddenly, something shifted in me. For the first time, I craved time alone. For the first time, I looked back at my own lies, exaggerations, and relationship hopping, and was flooded with feelings of guilt and regret. Though I couldn't go back  and change the past, like all happiness gurus will tell you, I could learn from it. I could choose to view it as a pathway instead of a problem. I could focus on the results I wanted instead of the regrets I had. "It doesn't have to be this way" I told myself. I started by acknowledging the fact that, yes, I grew up with these unfortunate examples, but no, I didn't have to use that as an excuse. No, I didn't have to continue to create these lies for attention. No, I didn't have to identify myself as a friend, girlfriend, or ex. I could put a stop to all these learned behaviors that I had been acting out my entire life. I could be alone, I could be honest, I could meet myself for the first time by discovering my own likes, needs, and happiness. And so, I took a leap. I left the man I was dating and father of my first born. I worked on building a massage career instead of staying comfortable in my minimum wage job at the YMCA. I set standards for myself when it came to friends and relationships, and I gave myself permission to put myself first. It took years of committing to these things, but it truly did create the person I am today, who I would consider a very happy, and possibly the most honest person you'll meet. The universe was never out to get me, it was there to support me. All of those circumstances in my life had taught me a lesson. I wouldn't be the mother, wife, friend, or self that I am today without having experienced what I did. But, the biggest part was the decision to change; deciding that I didn't like the way things were, and choosing not to associate myself with attention cravings or constant socialization. I learned to be myself and love that person, and only take action on what felt right for me.

It doesn't matter how your parents were raised, what examples your older siblings set, how others live their lives; all that matters is that you create a life for yourself, rooted in your beliefs and needs. We need to stop making excuses for our poor actions and decisions, because despite our learned behaviors, we always have the option to change. Choose it, choose the change. Take charge. It doesn't have to be this way.

It's All Your Fault, Now Deal With It

I believe in New Year's Resolutions. The blank slate of the New Year is a great jump start for good habit formation, and the knowledge that so many others are participating alongside you can be motivational and a good accountability system to keep you going. Whether your goals are healthy eating and more exercise, or practicing patience with your children and spouse, the end goal is always the same: we want to feel better by doing better. But here's the thing - you will never get to experience those feelings of health, happiness, and other good vibes unless you own up to your shit, and that starts by knowing this blunt fact: it's all your fault.

You are the only one responsible for your actions, the thoughts that follow them, and the blame you attach. Blaming anyone but yourself for the way you feel, the food you put in your mouth, the work out you skipped, and the guilt you harvest because of it is just a way to avoid taking ownership. You need to identify your weakness, blame no one but yourself, and own it. It's yours, it's your own weakness, your own struggle, your own area for change and growth. Know it, claim it, and change it.

Blaming is the easy route because we find comfort in the justification, and in placing the fault elsewhere. But it is our fault. We always have a choice. It's not the holiday season's fault that we gained a few pounds, it's our lack of self control and continual hand-to-mouth motion. It's not our job's fault that we had a bad day and downed a bottle of wine at home, it's the decision we made to handle it in that way. It's not our children's fault that we don't have time to exercise, it's the fact that we don't carve out that time for ourselves - even if that means an early alarm or a late night.

If you step back and look at all the areas in your life where you place the blame elsewhere, surely you can see how you could also take ownership. Taking ownership is the biggest step if you truly want to experience change. This is because when you blame someone or something else for your struggles, you are not the one in control. You are allowing these other people, situations, and things control your decisions and then blaming them for your downfall. Not only is this not fair, but it's not true. Own up to it. Tell yourself it's no ones fault but your own. Take charge. Gain control. Remind yourself that if you don't like something, you can change it.

"All change is the removal of situations, people, habits, and things that no longer serve you. Recognize that each change is happening for you, not to you." - Shannon Kaiser.

^^ Yes. How are you supposed to remove the things that no longer serve you if you allow other people to control just what those things are? You want to drink less but allow the peer pressure of others dictate your decision. You want to eat healthier but won't say no to mom's cooking. You want less drama in your life yet partake in drama filled conversations. You justify these things by blaming everyone but yourself. You make excuses. You temporarily feel better having these decisions justified, but inevitably remain in the same habits that keep you from growing, changing, and stuck where you are. It's okay that you drank at the party because everyone else was, and you didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. It's okay that you ate mom's fried foods because you didn't want to offend her. It's okay that you took part in some chatter about others, because you weren't the one who started the conversation. Blame, blame, and blame again. What happens when you place the blame upon yourself instead? I could have said no to drinking, but allowed others to make that decision for me and now I regret my lack of self control. I could have said no to mom's cooking, but didn't stand up for my health goals and now am left feeling gross. I could have walked away from that conversation, but am now feeling guilty about talking behind someone's back. When the blame is claimed, the situation becomes your fault. Sure, this may not make you feel great, but there is strength in admitting your wrong-doings, your weaknesses, your faults. And, in doing so, you give yourself the power to do something about it.

Knowing that there is no one to blame but yourself for your decisions puts you in a vulnerable place. But it's the only pathway to growth. View your problems as just that: pathways. When it comes to our resolutions, we can already envision our future selves as the person we are striving to be; maybe we are thinner, stronger, more motivated, working our dream job...whatever it may be, there is one key to looking at the future, and that's focusing on the feeling. Sure, we may look better with a little less weight and a little more muscle, but it's how we feel when we look that way that will be a continual motivation. We will beam confidence, we will have more energy, we will feel good about our decisions and their outcome. We will be proud of ourselves for saying no, for walking away, for taking the more difficult but rewarding path. It is then that you will be happy you chose to blame yourself, because you get all the credit. You get to say you did it. Self motivation is the most exhilarating way to keep moving forward with confidence.

"The amount of love you have for yourself is directly proportionate to the amount of blame you will allow in your life" - love and respect yourself enough to own up to your shit. Stop telling yourself you don't have time, make it. Stop telling yourself it's the fault of your work, spouse or kids, Stop justifying things that keep you held back in a rotation of poor habits. Take the blame. Say "it's all my fault" and then DO something about it. Don't throw a pity party; the world isn't happening to you, it's happening for you; for you to learn, for you to grow, for you to find strength within yourself and find the capability to achieve your goals and make them last well beyond those first few months of the New Year. You have weaknesses, you have areas you'd like to change, you have regrets - and you have the power to do something. Find your weakness, take steps to change, remember the feelings of times you regret as motivation to keep going. You got this. 2017 is yours, if you can remember that 2016 was no one's fault but your own. Now deal with it.