Different Healthy

 Everyone wants to "get" or "be" healthy, but what does that really mean? 

For some, that may look like the typical eat well, move more. For others it may be to cut back on a poor habit like smoking or drinking. It could be putting down the phone and picking up a book, taking the time off of work to book a vacation, or starting a meditation regiment. Whatever your "healthy" looks like, make sure it's your own journey and no one else's. 

I used to think healthy meant a 6-pack. Abdominal muscles, that is. And, I thought all the things that went along with this washboard belly were also healthy; over exercising, cutting entire food groups, remaining calorie deficient, and so on. I would restrict, restrict, restrict, and, eventually, binge. Naturally after these binges I would feel like total shit. I'd be bloated which was reflected on the scale, I'd have pain and discomfort, but the worst of it all was the mental beating I gave myself each time, glued to promises of even further restriction. Years of this cycle caused me to seek out excuses rather than ownership, leading me be totally convinced I had all these food "allergies" or "sensitivities" when really I just needed to eat like a freaking normal person. It was at its worst when my kids started noticing; why wasn't mommy getting ice cream? Why won't mommy try my pizza? Why does mommy bring her own food everywhere? I started to see that sure, my abs were pretty rock solid, but I was losing more than I was gaining with my beach body. 

And so when we moved to North Carolina, I set my own health goals that may look a bit different than others'. I stopped counting calories. I planned pizza nights. I tasted everything my kids asked me to (within reason, they ARE still kids...). I ordered the damn ice cream. I bought clothes that were comfortable rather than a certain size. I exercised based on how my body felt, not how many calories I felt I needed to burn. But most importantly, I enjoyed it all. I let go of the guilt that years of body shaming and food struggles had given me. If we crawled into bed after eating and drinking too much, I focused on the good times and memories made while we were indulging. Who knew that eating pizza, drinking a bottle of wine and indulging in dessert was what I needed to find MY healthy. 

Having said that, I feel my best when this is all in balance. I enjoy eating healthy meals, working out daily, drinking tons of water, and getting sunshine every moment I can. But, it has taken me years and years to realize that I can have both; I can live a healthy life style and not lose it all when I have my weekend fun, or when we're on vacation, or when we simply feel like a good meal with good drinks on a random Tuesday. Saying yes to what feels good and no to what doesn't has been key; some days I feel like salad and other days I need a bacon burger. Some days I'll PR my lifts and other days I just want to stroll the neighborhood with my kids. It's a much, much easier way to live - without all the restrictions and mind games - and that's my healthy.