Rigidity

 Rigidity. This word has been heavy on my mind recently..

It causes anxiety; not only for yourself, but for those around you. It causes you to stay stuck in your ways and avoid growth. It causes you to point the finger at others instead of looking inward. 

It’s easy to be rigid, especially when you firmly believe your reasoning behind it. A big one for me was food. I used to be so rigid about eating clean. I became obsessed with reading labels, cutting out food groups, labeling foods as “good” or “bad”. I stayed so stuck in this because I firmly believed that treating my body like a temple was the healthiest thing I could do. But if I’m being honest, all it really did was cause me to be a major pain in the ass. Going out for dinner was anything but simple, friends and family fretted having me over because they didn’t know what to serve. My kids would call me from sleepovers asking permission to eat “junk” foods, and I basically gave myself a heart attack anytime I heard they had access to fast food. I was so sure I was doing the right thing, keeping myself and my kiddos healthy. But what I really did was create a world of anxiety for myself, my kids, my husband and my circle. 

I believe when you are too rigid, you are also controlling. You try to control everything and everyone around you to share your same feelings and beliefs. Spoiler alert: this is no good. My husband is a wonderful man, but he is also a Portuguese man who can have a hot temper. I remember in the early years of our marriage, I’d see him get overly frustrated at a situation or task, and escalate the situation by getting myself upset at the fact that he can’t calm down quickly, or let it go the way I would. The rigidity of my own beliefs in how he should handle a situation didn’t allow a safe space for him to simply be upset. 

It was easy to point the finger. Anyone who didn’t eat clean were the wrong ones (your body is the only place you have to live!). Anyone who offered my kids Burger King didn’t care about their health (do they even KNOW what’s in that food!?). My husband was automatically in the wrong because my patience trumped his reaction (you’re a grown up, control yourself!). But all that finger pointing did was make everything worse. My anxiety had a ripple effect that touched everyone around me. 

The solution to rigidity is flexibility. In an impossibly perfect world, things would just go our way. But that’s not real life, not realistic, and thinking otherwise sets us up for failure. The more flexible we can be, the more at ease our lives can be. But the hard truth is that we only have control of our own flexibility. The good news is, the more flexible we become, the more at ease people feel around us. And sometimes, the things we wished to control, naturally fall into place when you are less rigid because it creates a safe space for people to just be. 

So instead of looking at what I could control based on my own rigid beliefs, I looked at the role I played in my own suffering - and how it affected those around me. I still enjoy eating healthy (if my kids had a dollar for every time I asked them what they had for protein, they would be financially set for life) - but I’m much more flexible. And the result of that flexibility is a more comfortable family; whether it be a dinner party, a sleepover, a road trip meal - I’ve let go of judgement and let my kids be kids. 

And with my husband, I realized that the only reaction I can control is my own. So if he’s working on a house project that isn’t going as planned, I’ve learned to ask how I can help instead of reacting to his reaction. Sometimes that help is giving him space. Sometimes that help is getting dinner ready for when he’s done. Sometimes it’s bringing him a cold beer. But the less I react, the sooner he calms down on his own. My rigid thoughts on how he should think and act only hurt the situation. 

Rigidity keeps us stuck. Flexibility creates peace. It makes space. It allows growth. The examples above are just a couple ways I swapped rigidity for flexibility, and sometimes that can feel like you’re the only one doing the work. But you’ve got to let that go, because doing work to feel better and watch how that positively affects those around you makes the work worth it. 

Don’t stay stuck. 

New Year, New Back

 2025 was the year of the back. 

And trust me, I’m just as tired of talking about it as my friends and family must be of hearing about it. So here’s to getting it all out one last time, and leaving pain in the past. 

For over 10 years, I struggled with back pain. I suffered a lifting injury that left 3 discs herniated, and one with a slight fracture. And even though those injuries healed over time with the help of consistent chiropractic care and strengthening exercises, the flare ups and pains were endless. When I say I tried it all, I mean it; 7 chiropractors, decompression, laser & shock wave treatments, sports massage, dry needling, physical therapy, an my last resort: injections. It was this last year that put me over the edge when it began affecting my job, my ability to attend my kiddo’s volleyball games, intimacy, travel…you name it. “Bad back days” became part of my routine, and a disappointment to my family. 

Surgery is always a last resort, and a tough decision - especially when you don’t have everyone’s support in your choice. But I felt I had no choice; my quality of life was lessening at an increasing rate. Even a sneeze could send me to the couch for the day. But, when your care team who also does all they can to avoid surgery tells you it’s time, it’s time. 

I was absolutely horrified and angry when I found out my surgical option was a fusion. That was the last procedure I wanted so young, and the one I was told to avoid the most. But, due to my degenerative disc disease and the state of the disc causing these pains, it was the best and really, only option. 

So I moved forward. Knowing that it’s a long recovery. Knowing it would get worse before it got better. Knowing how much my family would have to step up for my recovery. And, knowing my running days would be over. 

I was a runner for 30 years. I ran everything from 5k’s to 50 miles. It was a sport that brought me so much, from some of my best friends, to mental release, to a shared family bond. It was hard to give up. But also a decision I knew I had to make if I wanted to prolong future surgeries and experience a life without back pain. So, the day before my surgery, I hopped on the treadmill for one final mile. I relished in how natural the movement was, and cried knowing that three decades of miles was wrapped up in this final one. My running shoes officially retired. 

Surgery day arrived and let me tell you, I almost turned on my heels and walked right back out that door. The nerves and anxiety were real. I had nightmares for days leading up to the procedure, varying from being paralyzed to dying. I wrote my kids and husband “just incase” letters, jotted down will-wishes, and made it 10x’s worse for myself in my head. Not for nothing, I was warned that this was major surgery with risks - especially the nature of the operation, where they go in through the abdomen and do all the fixtures on the front portion of my spine. Funny how after having two babies naturally, I somehow still ended up with a c-section. And let me tell you, c-section mama’s deserve a damn award. After the pain I was in, primarily from my incision, I could not fathom having to carry, feed, and change a newborn on top of it. Hats off to you, mama’s. Really. 

Those first few days of pain were unreal. Pain from the front straight to the back. Getting up and down was a small piece of hell. Narcotics left me with no appetite and more unwanted weight loss. I definitely had a few “what have I done!?” moments for sure. 

And then, just over a week post-op, the pains diminished. I was able to increase my walks, get off the couch and out of bed with no assistance, and begin to think I made the right choice. 

There’s a long road ahead, a lot to sacrifice, a lot of changes to make moving forward. But here’s to leaving back pain in 2025. Here’s to 2026 being the year I won’t have to think about chairs at restaurants, worry about hotel beds, wear a back brace to work, or put a damper on family plans. Here’s to hoping I’m someone that says “this was so worth it, I wish I did it years ago”. Here’s to discovering new ways to exercise, and remembering all I accomplished in my running days. 

My friends and family have been nothing short of incredible. From traveling, visiting, cooking, keeping me company, driving me to appointments - they’ve made this all so much easier. 

And to my husband, who, poor guy, thought I died in the OR after hearing a Code Blue for my surgical wing - thank you for stepping up in all the ways you are needed. He also has a wife who used to run marathons who can’t anymore, so send this man some beer and whiskey. 🥃 

I wish this was something we were aware of sooner, so I could have stopped running and decreased my need for surgery, but we can’t move backwards. Now, I’m just excited to get my life back after what will be a very long 2 months of nothing but walking and rest. 

So back pain, I send you off kindly with a middle finger 🖕 

Cheers to 2026 🥂