Different Healthy

 Everyone wants to "get" or "be" healthy, but what does that really mean? 

For some, that may look like the typical eat well, move more. For others it may be to cut back on a poor habit like smoking or drinking. It could be putting down the phone and picking up a book, taking the time off of work to book a vacation, or starting a meditation regiment. Whatever your "healthy" looks like, make sure it's your own journey and no one else's. 

I used to think healthy meant a 6-pack. Abdominal muscles, that is. And, I thought all the things that went along with this washboard belly were also healthy; over exercising, cutting entire food groups, remaining calorie deficient, and so on. I would restrict, restrict, restrict, and, eventually, binge. Naturally after these binges I would feel like total shit. I'd be bloated which was reflected on the scale, I'd have pain and discomfort, but the worst of it all was the mental beating I gave myself each time, glued to promises of even further restriction. Years of this cycle caused me to seek out excuses rather than ownership, leading me be totally convinced I had all these food "allergies" or "sensitivities" when really I just needed to eat like a freaking normal person. It was at its worst when my kids started noticing; why wasn't mommy getting ice cream? Why won't mommy try my pizza? Why does mommy bring her own food everywhere? I started to see that sure, my abs were pretty rock solid, but I was losing more than I was gaining with my beach body. 

And so when we moved to North Carolina, I set my own health goals that may look a bit different than others'. I stopped counting calories. I planned pizza nights. I tasted everything my kids asked me to (within reason, they ARE still kids...). I ordered the damn ice cream. I bought clothes that were comfortable rather than a certain size. I exercised based on how my body felt, not how many calories I felt I needed to burn. But most importantly, I enjoyed it all. I let go of the guilt that years of body shaming and food struggles had given me. If we crawled into bed after eating and drinking too much, I focused on the good times and memories made while we were indulging. Who knew that eating pizza, drinking a bottle of wine and indulging in dessert was what I needed to find MY healthy. 

Having said that, I feel my best when this is all in balance. I enjoy eating healthy meals, working out daily, drinking tons of water, and getting sunshine every moment I can. But, it has taken me years and years to realize that I can have both; I can live a healthy life style and not lose it all when I have my weekend fun, or when we're on vacation, or when we simply feel like a good meal with good drinks on a random Tuesday. Saying yes to what feels good and no to what doesn't has been key; some days I feel like salad and other days I need a bacon burger. Some days I'll PR my lifts and other days I just want to stroll the neighborhood with my kids. It's a much, much easier way to live - without all the restrictions and mind games - and that's my healthy. 

Self Care in Quarantine

Every single person I've talked to is experiencing different struggles during this COVID-19 lock down. Some are feeling the parenting pressure of extra time with their kiddos, some don't know what to do with the extra time with their spouses, some can't stay away from the pantry or find motivation to work out, and others cant work out enough. Whatever your struggle may be, make sure you are finding time to take care of yourself, because with all the extra demands put on each of us during this time, you need to make sure you're not pouring from an empty cup. 

When you're feeling most agitated, most depressed, most fidgety, or find yourself in a downright funk, check in. Even though the things you may need and crave the most might not be an option, like a hug from a friend or a nice dinner in a restaurant with your spouse, you can still find ways to take care of yourself in quarantine. And they are not selfish. 

It's okay to lock yourself away for an hour a day (given your children are safe/watched after and nothing on the stove will burn the house down). Take the time. Catch up on your favorite show, finish that chapter, soak in a deliciously hot tub, take a walk, call a friend...whatever self care looks like for you, take the time. Out of all the hours in the day, your family can survive one without you. 

Establish rules and boundaries with your kids, spouse, family members who may call, whoever. In my house, I created the beverage rule: if I am sitting down with a beverage, be it coffee, tea, wine, or iced lemon water in the sunshine, I am NOT getting up to get you anything, help you in that moment, diffusing an argument, or do anything except sit, sip, and enjoy. Now my kids know to ask "hey mom, when you're done your coffee, can you..." They learn patience, and I don't have to move for a good 20 minutes. Win-win. 

Even if you don't choose to lock yourself away or glue yourself to a chair for your "me-time", still make sure you're getting in. It can be a time frame, like "hey, I'm going to do x,y, and z until noon, and then why don't we play a board game/go for a walk/watch a show?" This way, if you're someone (like me) who can't relax until the dishes are done, laundry is folded, work out is complete, and shower is taken, you have the morning to create your own zen - with a time limit - and have established plans for your family to look forward to after. My kids use this time to get their own chores (and now online homework) done, and are forced to play together or have time to themselves before diving into family activities. 

Self care can be the most simple things, like taking the time to apply lotion after a shower, changing out of day 4 yoga pants, making a healthy meal, listening to your favorite playlist, or snuggling a pet. Just pay attention to what you are feeling; do you need to cuddle up with your kids or do you need 5 minutes alone? Are you craving something nutrient dense or something indulgent? Do you need to lock yourself in your bedroom with your significant other or kindly send them away while you open a book? If you always do what you feel is "right" over what you need, you fail yourself and will end up snappy, cranky, and not super fun. 

Need other self care ideas? At home work out routines? Ideas to keep your kids busy? Reach out. We're all in this together and all struggling - and managing - in our own way. 

Food; Change It Up

It always comes down to the freaking journey; no destination, no end point, just the very cliche moment itself. And yes, I'm about to turn this into a food story.

When it comes to food, it's safe to say that most of us are looking for that "a-ha!" moment where we realize adding or eliminating something has done it - "it", of course, taking on many roles, like bloating, abdominal pain, energy levels, extra pounds, muscle fueling, or having smooth moves on the porcelain throne. Whatever your "it" may be, I'm sure you'd like to find a way to manage it, and hope that maybe, just maybe, cutting out dairy and adding probiotics will be the magic potion you need. The thing is, or at least that I've learned, is that everything works - but temporarily.

Anytime I eliminate a food group or, say, add more greens or water (hello cliche of health) to my foodie-routine, I feel better. I think, YES! I have found the answer; all is well in the world and in my gut. And then, two weeks later, any "it" I had comes waltzing back on in and debunking my "a-ha" moment. Damn you, two week timeline.

Along with eliminating, I found that a new level of comfort could be excused. No dairy? Well, let me fill that void with all of the almonds because, hey, they're not dairy and I'm sticking to my diet. No alcohol? Well come on over here, you luscious chocolate bar, because you're my buzz-less replacement now.

Intermittent fasting did the trick for over two years; I ate any foods I wanted within an 8 hour window of the day, allowing my gut and digestive system a break from, well, digesting, for 16 hours each night. But, when I combined the comfort of a two-year routine along with habit formation, I found myself doing most of my eating at nighttime, in bulk, with the justification that I wouldn't be eating for hours, and often went to bed way too full. Plus, by the time noon rolled around the next day, I'd be so starving from that morning's work out plus not eating since 8pm the previous night, that my meals were often much larger than my digestion could (should?) handle.

So, what the hell? Eliminate foods here and there, feel good for a short time, but live with restrictions and be that guy who "can't eat that"? No thanks. Add foods that you loathe just to be able to say you're eating better? Nah. Keep all your eating crammed into a small window to justify large portions and anything a little "extra"? I think I'm good. So again, what-the-hell!?

Change. If it's one thing that has been a constant in this Food Journey, it's simply change. Keep changing it up! Remove this or that here or there, not to be an asshole to yourself, but to open your eyes to other meal and snack options, and to simply see how you feel. And, once you get bored with that, move on! You may discover something that truly makes you feel better, or you may be totally relieved that it didn't help at all (like that time I tried giving up coffee - no bueno). Maybe some days you will naturally intermittently fast, because you wait to eat until you are truly hungry. Your body and metabolism are constantly changing, and with those changes come different bodily needs based on work out routines, age, illness, injury, you name it. Pay attention to these changes and the needs that come along with them.

Throw the norm out the window. If you feel like steak for breakfast and a smoothie for dinner, go for it. Throw comparison out the window. If your friends don't eat carbs or avoid fat like the plague, feel free to smother your hunk of bread in creamy avocado. Rid of the rules, restrictions, can'ts, and guilt that you attach to your relationship with food. Change keeps it interesting. It keeps your body guessing, it removes boredom, it allows for flexibility, and forces you to step outside your comfort zone (hello personal growth) to try new things. You'll learn more about not only your gut, but about your own control and power - you can take it all back with the willingness to try and accept change.

You'll like never *not* have carbs, dairy, fats, desserts, or booze ever again. There is no final destination when it comes to our diets, it's all about the change up. And so I circle back to the journey - even when it comes to food and health, you can enjoy the ride.

Healthiest at my Heaviest

This is a post to say that no matter what size we are, we can all struggle with body image.

It's easy to assume that because I'm naturally thin, I'm healthy and happy with my appearance, but in reality, I have struggled to accept my body for all of my teenage and adult life. As a young teen, I avoided shorts like the plague because I thought my knobby knees and pale, gangly legs were better off hidden. As a tween, I couldn't care less about my thin, flat stomach because I was too hung up on my itty-bitty-titty-committee status. When my boobs finally arrived, it was only because they filled with milk to nurse my newborn, and I would have traded them in for my previously flat stomach any day.

In the years to follow, I was extremely strict with my food and a total over-exerciser. I created countless uncomfortable situations when I'd unpack my own dinner during holidays, eat separately from my family, and refuse to indulge in treats people would make for me. I embellished minor gut-related diagnosis in order to create this false world where I "couldn't" eat something. Even at my most strict and most thin, I always had a little lower belly; in part due to scar tissue from a surgery, but mostly because of some legitimate digestive struggles that leave me constantly inflamed. The reality of this belly was that it occurred whether I was drinking wine and eating ice cream or chugging water and downing salads. But my clothes kept fitting and my body, for the most part, remained the same, so I kept on with my over-doing it lifestyle.

And then I turned 30.

I don't know what F-you switch my body turned on with this new decade, but suddenly, my body hated me back. The hips that were supposed to arrive during puberty or pregnancy decided they'd hold off until now. If I chose to eat something glutinously-gluten filled, I remained bloated for days. I started sweating. And smelling. My husband has had a lovely time pointing out nose hairs that decided to live a wild life outside my nostril. I can't have more than 2 drinks without paying for it as if I spent the night ripping shots of tequila. I cry all the time. Those laugh lines around my eyes along with the WTF lines between my eyebrows are not going anywhere. And my lower abdomen decided it was going to stay in a constant state of pooch.

Knowing there had definitely been some out-of-the-ordinary indulging going on between a summer filled with family gatherings and the stress of selling our home, I decided to do what I do best and scale the food and drink back once again. I thought "maybe 30 means I can't just run off an indulgent night anymore and need to start being even more careful" - because as healthy as I may eat, I can eat. And so, away went most carbs, the wine was scaled back, the exercise was consistent, and yet...nothing. That number on the scale - the highest it's been since pregnancy - wasn't budging.

Initially, I wanted my control back. I wanted to hold myself accountable for a few extra pounds after a weekend away or a food-filled holiday, and know I could re-set after a long run and restrictive day. I felt down about the fact that, no matter how much I ran, lifted, and gave bread the evil eye, my hips couldn't squeeze into those jeans anymore. And you know what? This was the exact lack of control I needed.

Getting older and watching my body go through changes I couldn't control allowed me to develop what I like to call the fuck-it-but-moderately lifestyle. My spin on YOLO, if you will. If I was going to look the same whether I chose salmon for dinner or pizza, I was going to start allowing myself to eat the damn pizza occasionally. Another huge factor right now is that I am healthier this way. The number on the scale or size of all the new jeans I just had to buy do not define my health. Recent PR's in the gym, injury free running, and, most importantly, a guilt-free relationship with food is. The fact that I just came home from a weekend in New Hampshire where I did nothing but hike, eat pizza and drink beer, left me filled with the memories I will forever have with my dad, not how many miles it'll take to run it off. And guess what? Scale number and belly-pooch ratio remained the same even after that weekend.

I am by no means overweight. I can still see abs. I know I am thin. I live a healthier life style than most. And here I am, one of many women who is trying to love her body for it's health and not it's appearance. Defining myself by how love-handly or belly-poochy I feel that day does zero for my mental health. This is the heaviest I have ever been, and yet it is the healthiest I have ever been. I have the choice to throw out the clingy-make-me-feel-shitty tops, and switch my focus to how strong I feel when I lift, or how long I am able to run, or how much I enjoy sharing family meals and the extra glass of wine. If this is 30, I accept you, and I thank you.

Wellness Tips

Wellness is about constant growth; a never ending opportunity to better yourself in order to be the healthiest, happiest person you can be. We set goals, we work towards them, we crush them, and then we set new ones. Repeat. This is the simplicity of wellness. Easier said than done, though, yes? As ambitious as your ultimate wellness goal may be, the journey is your true challenge. However, in order to enjoy the ride, you need to start small with realistic changes that put you on track to your finish line.

But wait a minute, I thought wellness had no finish line? That we are forever changing and growing and bettering ourselves? This is true. But it is also true that people like finish lines. We enjoy taking on a challenge with an end-point; we enjoy the countdown, the feeling of being one step closer, the celebrating. It also makes it easier to reach a wellness goal when you know it will come to an end, rather than having this overwhelming feeling of a never ending daily wellness grind.

So, how can you be in a constant state of moving forward with your health and still reach a finish line? With one word: change. You have the ability to set mini-goals within your ultimate goal, which leaves you with countless finish lines to cross and successes to celebrate. These mini-goals will be forever changing on a timeline you create. You've got the power (cue music) to wish for change and make it possible to create. Using smaller goals as stepping stones is a simple way to work toward true change at a sustainable pace. So slow your roll, kill the motor, simmer down. Wellness doesn't happen overnight. Big goals shouldn't be reached so quickly. The more you break down your health goals, the more time you will have to make adjustments that better suit your path.
*Working on anger? Write down each time you have an outburst. Holding yourself accountable is an easy way to work on and cut back on something you wish to change.
*Working on eating better? Take one month at a time to introduce a new food challenge, whether it's eliminating a food group, or limiting yourself to an eating window during the day; taking it one month at a time gives you 12 finish lines a year.
*Working on ways to incorporate exercise? Perform air squats while you wait for your morning coffee, a plank after you take the dogs out, push ups while your kids have screen time...there are countless habits we already posses that small increments of exercise can be added to.

You want to know what won't help you along in your wellness journey?
-Comparing yourself to others
-Beating yourself up over one "bad" day
-Being so strict with a goal that you feel deprived
-Sticking to a plan that's not working for you
-Creating a plan based on negative self image
-Creating a plan based on someone else's plan
-Taking on too much too soon
-Having unrealistic expectations
-Not taking ownership of your weaknesses

What will help you succeed, however:
-Eliminating the sentence "I don't have time" from your life. You have time for what you make time for, the clock is not your boss.
-A positive mindset
-Finding motivation in change
-Social media posting; share your latest challenge, answer questions, have others join you - it holds you accountable and keeps you motivated knowing others are aware.
-Creating a wellness plan that fits into your schedule and meets your current capabilities
-Recreating that plan when your capabilities increase as you become stronger, mentally and physically
-Incorporating the family! Have your kids exercise with you, have your spouse cut back on drinking with you, have your friends join you in a new fitness class. The bigger your support system, the bigger your success.
-Knowing that wellness is life long
-Knowing that you can always change something that doesn't work for you
-Making yourself a priority

People often tell me they don't know how or where to start. These simple tips are easy to add to what you're already doing. How many times are we on our phones while waiting for something? The coffee, the school bus, the water to boil...whatever it is, identify those spaces throughout the day and put them to good use. Eliminate thoughts and plans that will set you up for failure, and focus on how you can succeed. Create your own plan, not someone else's. Be NICE to yourself on the tough days. Be honest about your downfalls and weaknesses. Cross those finish lines and keep 'em coming. We only get one shot at this life thing, so create the best one you can. The power is all yours if you focus it in all the right places.

New Year, Manageable Goals

"If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough" - well, that's the saying, but it's not one I agree with, especially when it comes to the New Year and overzealous goal setting. Most of us jump on the eat-better, work-out-more band wagon, only to jump into too much too fast. Changing both your eating and exercise habits at once is a lot to ask of yourself. And, because the changes you are looking to make should last a lifetime, it's easy to see why people get overwhelmed.

Sure, you start of feeling great. You're detoxing from the holiday indulgences, eating your kale and quinoa salads and sweating through your new exercise routine. But eventually (typically around March) when the newness wears off and your motivation is lacking, you slowly slip back into old habits and before you know it, you're right back where you started, vowing to make new and improved promises for the following year to come.

When you jump into a promise of a better self via food choices and work out regiments, the most overwhelming component is the fact that there is no finish line; no end point, no date to work towards, no gold stars or blue ribbons. The fact that these choices should reflect an entirely new lifestyle instead of a temporary goal can make the thought of keeping it up forever unfathomable. And for that, I challenge you to take it slow, by dedicating one month for one new goal throughout the year.

By goal-setting every month, you create your own finish line. You have 4 weeks to incorporate (or eliminate) something in your life that you wish to make a habit; a routine part of your life for a better you. And, because it takes 21 days to create a new habit, this one month challenge is perfect for trying things out. At the end of each month, you get to congratulate yourself on an accomplishment that was simply set to challenge and empower you. You might surprise yourself how easy it was to get to the gym 3x a week, or to give up dairy products for the month. And, as you move into another month and another goal, you can decide what to do with last month's accomplishment; was it something you enjoyed and plan to keep up? Or will that time and energy be replaced with the upcoming month's challenge?

Have fun with it! You can make it whatever you'd like. Maybe you decide to try a new fitness class once a week for a month. Maybe you set aside a daily time to simply stretch and breathe. Maybe you give up sugar, caffeine, alcohol, or a food group entirely. Maybe your goals are to play more board games with your kids, and you set aside a weekly game night for a month. Maybe you need to incorporate more self care and you treat yourself to a weekly massage (hayo!). Maybe it's walking the dogs, or de-cluttering drawers, or doing more abdominal exercises...whatever it is, you get to set the goal and you WILL have a countdown to finish. Maybe once that month is up, you realized how easy it was to incorporate something new into your daily or weekly routine and you keep it up, or maybe you absolutely hated those fitness classes or lack of caffeine and you simply move onto the next challenge. Either way, you'll have something new to do each month, and by following through, you will create the time and space for this new habit (or discover new foods by eliminating others!) and be continually motivated by the constant change. You'll discover new things about your own discipline, time management, and capabilities, and give yourself all the power as you move through 2019 creating a continually new you.

Share your challenges, I'd love to hear them!
I started mine in November, and so far have done:
- No-nuts-November
- No-dairy-December
- Dry January (no alcohol)
And next month I plan to to Flexible February where I focus on taking care of my body through daily yoga and stretching. The finish line is always great to reach, but having a new goal to pick right up and keep on moving towards that next one is what will create success.

Holidays: Cookies and Pies and Champagne, Oh My!

The Holidays. They are supposed to be a fun, enjoyable experience that we look forward to. But, more often than not, they turn into a stressful, over indulgent, feel bad about ourselves time of year. Here's the thing: there is a way to get through those endless holiday cheese platters, trays of cookies and shots of Bailey's without the guilt; you have to identify yourself as either an Abstainer, or a Moderator. 

Inspired by author Gretchen Rubin and her insanely helpful book Better Than Before, if you are able to categorize yourself as one of these two things, your holidays (and other things in your life) will become a guilt-free experience. All you have to do is ask yourself, and answer honestly, are you able to indulge moderately? Are you able to have one piece of bread from the basket? If you crave dessert, are you able to have a few bites or small serving and feel satisfied? Are you able to enjoy alcoholic drinks and still control your eating habits when the buzz kicks in? There are few who can, but for those of you who are out there, congratulations, you're a Moderator! You can breeze through the holidays knowing that you can look forward to tasting delicious and indulgent treats and having the power to stop once your taste buds are exploding with flavorful satisfaction. It's that ability to stop that sets you aside from us Abstainers. Which is without a doubt what I am. 

Abstainers simply have to say no to the things they know they will overdo it with. And, before you think "well that doesn't sound like any fun and I will be totally deprived", hear me out. I'm an eater. I love my foods, and I love indulging. However, there have been too many times where having "just a few" tortilla chips turned into half the bowl. Or "one bite" of apple pie turned into seconds (or thirds). And don't get me started on my beloved almonds and cashews. Sure, these things are tasty, and I enjoy them, but I am not a Modifier. I am not someone who can have a few or a bite and stop. Those tastes send me spiraling into a craving for more, and before I know it I'm so full and guilt ridden, and that feeling is never worth the taste. So, after countless gatherings of over eating, followed by a promise to skip meals the following day and go run some crazy distance, I've learned to identify myself as an Abstainer, and just simply don't try to force myself into the Modifier mold. I can't just have some, and so I have none. 

Saying no will not leave you feeling deprived, because you have the option to feel empowered instead. By abstaining from things you know will get out of hand, you are saving yourself a huge mental battle, and therefore preserving your energy. You are saving yourself the guilt you would feel if you over did it, and all the justifications you would have made as a result (oh, I ate way too much, but I'll just skip breakfast tomorrow). You are saving yourself a stomach ache, a weight gain set back, and a chance to fall off the wagon. How good will it feel the next morning knowing that you had the power to say no? And as a result, no gross bloating, no guilt ridden intense work outs, no negative self talk. View abstaining as a form of self care instead of a deprivation, and you will not dread your next holiday gathering or give dirty looks to the bowl of sugary roasted nuts. (I see you, you little bowl of deliciousness, but you're not gonna win this one!) 

Keep in mind that you may be able to moderate some things and need to abstain from others, and also:

• Commit. If you are moderating how much you can have, stop when you say you will. If you agree to abstain entirely, stick to that commitment.
• Don't compare. If your friends can moderate and you know you can't, don't try to. You are not your friends, family, or co-workers. You are uniquely yourself, so plan accordingly.
• Don't give in to pressure. If you are abstaining from something, and your Aunt Jo baked 'said thing' from scratch and it took her 3 days and she nearly burned her arm off and her love for you is preciously encased within it...you're still allowed to say no. Your goals for your health are no one's business but your own. Their temporarily hurt feelings will survive. 
• Enjoy! Don't dread the parties because of the food. Head into them with a solid plan, and stick to it. You will feel good about yourself, and hopefully use your saved mental energy to deal with the crazy dynamics of the people present. 

It's all an opportunity to get to know yourself a little better, and prove to yourself that you are worth your health and your goals. This identification of Abstainer or Moderator simply gives you the tools to move forward with acceptance and enjoyment. Whether you drink the champagne or not, find pleasure in your decision knowing it's what's best for you.